I've always been a procrastinator. I'd like to pretend that I have overcome this as I've gotten older/more schooled/wiser/grayer/richer and poorer again....but nope. I will always wait for the last minute.
I think part of the problem is that I've had some great things happen by procrastinating. Plans have changed so I saved money. There was a typo and it didn't go to the printer, etc. These great opportunities were created by being lazy which is great but what have I missed by not being prepared.
I've missed the opportunity of standing tall and saying I worked hard on this. Please see me.
Procrastination has been my crutch of choice. My egoic, form-based logic is that if I choose not to put my heart into something, then my heart can't be broken. If I do something well, then I can say it was luck and that I don't deserve the praise.
It's keeping me small and I know it.
I have to give a presentation today to a group of about 30 people. It's not rocket science but it's important to me that I sound prepared and intelligent and most importantly, I don't freeze and forget what I am supposed to say. I have anxiety about it. So much anxiety that I just had a wave of it wash over me as I sit here.
My intention for today and for the rest of the days of my life is to live choosing and stepping into the scary thing. It's not easy and I can't tell you that I'm always going to do it right but I am trying. I know that true joy is on the opposite side of scary as fuck. I may have to close my eyes and scream but I'm going to keep moving.