shame

You've got a friend in me...sometimes

I woke up thinking about an interview I saw with Brene Brown a few months back and stumbled across this article. Actually, it's like it found me. 

An excerpt: 
When we're looking for compassion, we need someone who is deeply rooted, is able to bend and, most of all, embraces us for our strengths and struggles. We need to honor our struggle by sharing it with someone who has earned the right to hear it. When we're looking for compassion, it's about connecting with the right person at the right time about the right issue

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/brene-brown-how-to-conquer-shame-friends-who-matter#ixzz4esxbPpFq

Run this town

I am a bit reluctant to tackle this topic in an off-the-cuff blog entry this morning, but it's on my mind so I am going for it. So, it turns out that I am a bit an egomaniac. Well, that maybe a bit extreme but I recently had an interaction within a group where I had an obvious personality conflict with the facilitator. I have been feeling a little a little bad about the interaction and starting talking to friends about how I was clearly right but the facilitator was unwilling to compromise on their point of view...and isn't that bad? Aren't I right? Can't you see my point here? He/she is so damn stubborn! 

Whoa, the dose of truth that came back to me was a little painful to hear. Apparently, it was not the time, nor the place, nor the approach to express myself in this manner and I was overwhelming rude. Ouchy, I am a jerk!

The most pointed question and the hardest to answer was, "why did you think it was your place to say something?" The truth is, I always think it's my place to say something. I am a saya somethinger. If you want an opinion, I got one. If you want advice, I'll give you some. If you want coaching, you came to the right place because I'm a professional! 

BUT the reality is not everyone is asking for my thoughts and I'm offering them up anyway. I have been doing this unconsciously and while I feel like my intentions are mostly set in positive places; it is an obnoxious habit that I need to work on. And oh boy, obnoxious habits that you see in yourself can really swirl up a shame tornado.

I don't really have a resolution here or a way to wrap up this post with a pretty observation or a nod to all new wonderful colors of the world I see now. Growing and being conscious of egocentric behaviors is hard work. I can't lie about that but I know for sure that it's work that improves relationships and removes a lot of different heartache and uncertainty in your life. It's the work that matters...so I keep doing it.  

Shoulding...

I recently received some good coaching which called out the amount of times I said the word should. Of course, I didn't even realize I was doing it but since then I keep catching it flying out of my mouth. I should call her. I should lose some weight. I should get to that list of stuff on my to-do this.

Apparently, I am a should addict!

So what does this mean? Well, it means that I've gotten myself caught up in a shame loop. Keeping myself down about all of the things I'm not doing instead of recognizing the things I am doing with my time. If I am telling myself that I should get to the gym but I AM working my way through a half gallon of ice cream...that's saying something. 

I know I'm not alone in this. We all do it. We tell ourselves that we're being conscious in our decision making by outwardly saying we know what the "right" thing to do would be, but then we go ahead and do the "wrong" thing right after.

The truth is, there is no universal "right" or "wrong", LIFE is only what happens in the exact moment it is happening. Shaming ourselves about decisions we made yesterday or talking about decisions we'll make tomorrow are just negative thoughts keeping us further from dreams.  

If you know that you SHOULD be doing something and yet it's not happening, stop beating yourself up about why it hasn't happened and ask yourself what is the next step to get you closer.